I decided to take a new approach to my Xanga entries for a bit.... since Im curious to see the difference between my life now and my life a year ago. I know I tried so damn hard to appear happy through my entries even though I was struggling every day. I will copy parts from my journal entries from a year ago into each entry from the present. Let's take a look at January 25, 2005...
"I'm going to visit my girl Shaina on Friday! Wooo! Apparently we're taking a road trip to some party with her roomie Nicole. Should be a blast, I love spontaneous shit like that."
I loved going to see my girl last year... because she always helped me take my mind off things and relax about life. I also remember that weekend I met a guy, Jason, who I spent some time with for awhile... although it was kind of short lived.
"I absolutely love all the awesome girls I work with, and I feel like my friend group has changed a ton in the past semester. I have mixed feelings about that because I do miss my old girls, but unfortunately we have all gone our seperate ways for the most part. I realize many changes happen in college, and I'm just being open to all these new girls I'm getting to hang out with and know better.."
What a tough transition.... I had to completely start over as far as girlfriends went. I ended up meeting 2 of the girls I am roommates with now... and they are wonderful! I also became close with other Damon's girls who I still hang out with, so it all worked out for the best!!!![]()
"I'm very proud to say that I am an official member of the Gryphon Place staff! I passed the training program, and was actually very lucky since they were extremely selective. Hard work definitely pays off, and I'm hoping that my hard work at GP this semester will help me to get a good head start at my career."
This was an incredible accomplishment for me, especially since people questioned my personal stability... and definitely doubted my ability to help OTHERS when I wasnt completely healthy myself. I worked my ass off to get that volunteer position, and a few weeks ago completed my 200 hours that I agreed to. Gotta pat myself on the back for that one.![]()
I was also listening to Dashboard Confessional on the way home from studying tonight... and it brought back tons of memories when I would blast it and sing as loud as I could to relieve my anxiety and stress. One song in particular was something I remember feeling a strong connection to a year ago... I would tear up whenever I heard it....
This is where i say i've had enough
And no one should ever feel the way that i feel now.
A walking open wound,
A trophy display of bruises
And i don't believe that i'm getting any better.
Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And i'm thinking awful things
And i'm pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment
Is starving for an argument.
Anything at all to break the silence.
Wandering the house
Like i've never wanted out
And this is about as social as i get now.
And i'm throwing away the letters that i am writing you
'cause they would never do,
I would never do.
So don't be a liar,
Don't say that "everything's working"
When everything's broken.
And you smile like a saint
But you curse like a sailor
And your eyes say the joke's on me.
*Saints and Sailors*
Crazy how I'm so happy now and life is falling into place for me. I'll be moving on to the next chapter in about 6 months wherever that may be... and although I am afraid of the change, I am also sooooo excited because I am that much closer to my career that I've been working so hard for. Someday I'll have a companion and a family which will complete the next chapter in the story... but Im really not in any rush.![]()
"I'm going to visit my girl Shaina on Friday! Wooo! Apparently we're taking a road trip to some party with her roomie Nicole. Should be a blast, I love spontaneous shit like that."
I loved going to see my girl last year... because she always helped me take my mind off things and relax about life. I also remember that weekend I met a guy, Jason, who I spent some time with for awhile... although it was kind of short lived.
"I absolutely love all the awesome girls I work with, and I feel like my friend group has changed a ton in the past semester. I have mixed feelings about that because I do miss my old girls, but unfortunately we have all gone our seperate ways for the most part. I realize many changes happen in college, and I'm just being open to all these new girls I'm getting to hang out with and know better.."
What a tough transition.... I had to completely start over as far as girlfriends went. I ended up meeting 2 of the girls I am roommates with now... and they are wonderful! I also became close with other Damon's girls who I still hang out with, so it all worked out for the best!!!
"I'm very proud to say that I am an official member of the Gryphon Place staff! I passed the training program, and was actually very lucky since they were extremely selective. Hard work definitely pays off, and I'm hoping that my hard work at GP this semester will help me to get a good head start at my career."
This was an incredible accomplishment for me, especially since people questioned my personal stability... and definitely doubted my ability to help OTHERS when I wasnt completely healthy myself. I worked my ass off to get that volunteer position, and a few weeks ago completed my 200 hours that I agreed to. Gotta pat myself on the back for that one.
I was also listening to Dashboard Confessional on the way home from studying tonight... and it brought back tons of memories when I would blast it and sing as loud as I could to relieve my anxiety and stress. One song in particular was something I remember feeling a strong connection to a year ago... I would tear up whenever I heard it....
This is where i say i've had enough
And no one should ever feel the way that i feel now.
A walking open wound,
A trophy display of bruises
And i don't believe that i'm getting any better.
Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And i'm thinking awful things
And i'm pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment
Is starving for an argument.
Anything at all to break the silence.
Wandering the house
Like i've never wanted out
And this is about as social as i get now.
And i'm throwing away the letters that i am writing you
'cause they would never do,
I would never do.
So don't be a liar,
Don't say that "everything's working"
When everything's broken.
And you smile like a saint
But you curse like a sailor
And your eyes say the joke's on me.
*Saints and Sailors*
Crazy how I'm so happy now and life is falling into place for me. I'll be moving on to the next chapter in about 6 months wherever that may be... and although I am afraid of the change, I am also sooooo excited because I am that much closer to my career that I've been working so hard for. Someday I'll have a companion and a family which will complete the next chapter in the story... but Im really not in any rush.
